Tips on how to navigate a marriage—whether you’re an newlywed or an “oldywed.”
Jim Killam | posted 6/08/2010
Just a few days from now, our oldest son, Ben, will marry the love of his life, Becky. I haven’t been asked for much input on the day’s events, which is probably a good thing. I have been told I have no coherent advice on how to plan a wedding. (This after suggesting pant suits for the bridal party, and a wedding cake adorned with cocktail franks.)
I do think, based on 24 years’ experience, that I can offer my son a few bits of advice on how to navigate a marriage. So in no particular order, here goes.
* Praising your wife in front of other people does wonders for her self-esteem.
* If you give a compliment, mean it.
* Criticizing your wife in front of others, even in jest, is always a bad idea. Always.
* Sometimes, she doesn’t want you to solve the problem. She just wants you to listen. I know, I don’t understand it either.
* Don’t fall for that line of garbage that says marriage is a ball and chain. Think about the people who tell you that. They would give anything to have what you have.
* Sometimes, impractical as it seems, it’s better to spend $500 on a trip than $500 on furniture. Provided you have the $500.
* Credit card debt is a monster. Don’t fall for it, even for the short term.
* Don’t keep financial secrets from each other. They do not remain secret.
* Live on less than you make. In fact, learn to live on one income. Swim against the tide.
* Tithe. Not only does it honor God, it also brings focus to the rest of your money decisions.
* Before attempting even the smallest plumbing job, know where the whole-house water shutoff is located. Just sayin’.
* Finding a recreational activity you love doing together will change your life. Especially if it’s cheap or free.
* Laughing together is even better for you than exercising together.
* A cheap, used car gets you to exactly the same places in the same amount of time as a new car does. Except when it breaks down.
* Don’t be so afraid of hurting the other’s feelings that you never really talk about how you feel. It took five years of marriage before I finally told your mom I didn’t like grape jelly, which she’d been putting on my peanut butter sandwiches every day.
* If you’re in a store together, be careful about saying you like an item. You are likely to receive it as a gift.
* Bubble gum is not an advisable electrical fastener.
* Wanting a pet is a lot more fun than owning a pet.
* Don’t be too embarrassed to talk about sex together.
* Praying together every day might be the most intimate thing you can do. Even more than sex.
* Pray together before any big decision and most small ones. The ultimate decision is far less important than the fact you are praying together about it.
* Be stewards, not consumers.
* Moving every few years is a good way to take stock of how much unnecessary stuff you have.
* Observe a no-TV week once in a while. It’ll still be there when you get back … and there still won’t be anything worth watching.
* Find regular times of quietness, both together and alone. Watching a Cubs game doesn’t count.
* Do not attempt exploratory surgery on a broken dishwasher. You can call the appliance repairman now or later. Save years of humiliation. Call him now.
* Hold your career with a light touch. It’s not who you are, it’s only what you do.
* Focus outwardly. Together, you two can impact your community and your world. Don’t settle for simply entertaining yourselves.
* Find a good church and get involved. Don’t just be spectators. Churches have enough of those.
* If you wait until you feel confident and ready to have kids, you will never have kids.
* “Honor your father and mother” applies at all ages. And it’s not just for their sake.
* Talk together, often, about your hopes and dreams. Don’t laugh at hers.
* When you fight, fight fairly and cleanly. No yelling, no escalating, no pouting.
* Approach each day with a thankful heart. It’s a freeing thing to realize that no one owes you anything. First Timothy 6:6 says, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.”
* Your wife is an amazing gift from God. Treat her that way.
* No marriage is bulletproof. Guard it with everything you have, and entrust it to God.
Jim Killam teaches journalism at Northern Illinois University and is a freelance writer. He and his wife, Lauren, have been married 25 years.
Copyright © 2010 by the author or Christianity Today International/Kyria.com.
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