I have been under Conviction lately that I need to be more connected in a meaningful way to other People….Men to be exact, for the simple purpose of sharing life together. Life together is different than life alone. I’ve been feeling alone. I’m not alone. I’ve just been feeling alone. There are people everywhere in my life so solitude is definitely not a physical reality, but it is a mental and spiritual reality that probably most pastors, and leaders deal with on a regular basis. It happens because we are afraid, and I have come to know the reason that we are afraid just recently thanks to the help of a new friend and brother in Christ, who taught on this very topic at our Pastor’s Institiute. Details on all of that later, but for now, how do I correct this alone issue.
I believe that relationships with others are important, but at the same time have found that ministry isn’t conducive to close personal relationships. Ministry means being single minded, and committed to God and his work through the church, and that isn’t something that you can just walk away from. Even if I could, where would I walk to? Ministry also means that I can’t afford many of the distractions that others use to connect with each other, and so even if I could “get away” it would be to my own back yard which doesn’t offer much in the way of connectedness. So I stay engaged, more engaged with the church and its ministry than those that I am trying to connect with, and as a result watch them “get away” with a bit of envy, I fear.
I love these people…I really do…the ones that I am trying to connect with, but I fear they don’t love me. I fear that they tolerate me because I’m the pastor, but that they fear I will leave, so they hold back so as not to be hurt. I can’t blame them, but their holding back adds to my aloneness. Enough of this whining…the joy of the lord is my strength…I tell people this every day. Lord be my strength. Be my Joy. Give me both Joy and Strength!